Rolling us along

This weekend I went to a gay bar to meet up with a lesbian acquaintance and some of her friends. By the end of the night, I learned three positive things about myself.

First, as part of my growth process, I want to be able to be more open-minded in meeting strangers in public places and/or friends of friends without prematurely judging them before a first impression. This will allow me to engage my social skills and get to know people with a blank sheet of paper rather than to judge them with stereotypes or hearsay.

In the past, I realized I judged others prematurely before meeting and taking the time to get to know them. I liked to hear about the people I would meet before the actual meeting so that I can prepare myself. And by "prepare", I probably sized them up with hearsay and what I was told about them, then placed judgment accordingly.

If I turned this judgment around on myself, I would not appreciate others judging me through hearsay or without meeting me. I would not want others to size me up without a proper first impression. Through this realization, I resolve to not judge people before meeting and getting to know them.

So on this night, I headed to the bar without asking who accompanied said lesbian and with the expectation of meeting other brothers and sisters and keeping an open mind.

Second, I am gaining confidence in myself and find the coming out process easier. My increased self-confidence continues to snowball each day as I become more comfortable with my sexuality and myself. The confidence has led to an easier time coming out to others and has made it less of a dramatic event.

Most of said lesbian's friends were gay or lesbian with a few straight gals. I felt comfortable, welcomed and free to be myself. I explicitly came out to three of said lesbian's lesbian friends. We spoke briefly about how out we were and how our families have handled it.

Such small but significant coming outs to random acquaintances will continue to build my self-confidence and make coming out easier. Kind of like, "Yeah, I'm gay. So what?" I have re-evaluated how I plan to come out to others, including best friend #1, in the future and will make slight changes to my original coming out speech.

Third, I gained the courage and bravery to be in a bar alone. I ended up staying at the bar after said lesbian and her two groups of friends left. When the last group told me about their desire to leave, I told them that I would stay a bit longer and we said our goodbyes. I remained on the dance floor, then headed over the bar for another drink. I found a spot along the wall and sat there for a good 20 minutes to observe the crowd dynamic and to check out the patrons.

Through this short experience, I realized I have at least some courage and bravery to be in a bar alone without feeling weird or lonely. Well, maybe I felt slightly weird since this was my first time ever in a bar without friends, but nothing significantly bothersome. However, I did not speak to anyone during my time alone, wished I had, and have a goal to speak with more strangers next time.

When the table next to me left, they began to search for a jacket, and a gentlemen asked if I had seen a it nearby. I replied no, he bid me farewell and good night, and I reciprocated the gesture. Through this simple interaction, I learned that people at bars are generally nice people who can hold conversations. It's like networking. You have to initiate conversation and shoot the shit. If they don't want to talk, then, yes, I will face a form of rejection. But this rejection shouldn't phase me; it's from a stranger, someone whose opinion I do not hold value. Life is full of rejection, and it's how I handle it that matters most.


Recently, I heard this song on the radio, and some of the lyrics hit a chord in me. I am sure we have all heard this song once on the radio.

Lee Ann Womack "I Hope You Dance"

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I will give faith a fighting chance. Time is a real and constant motion always rolling us along. Tell me, who wants to look back on their youth and wonder where those years have gone? Not me. I am going to dance and take some chances. So move over!