"Because"

So I just came downstairs from being in bed, crying and weeping aloud, trying to muffle sounds with my hands while rehearsing what I plan to say to my sister when I come out to her. I came down to write down my script or at least bullet points. I really want to tell her because I truly believe that she loves me. Last night before she went upstairs to bed, she came to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Tonight, I did the same to her and asked her what she had tonight last night. She replicated the gesture, and I asked her why she did it. She responded, “Because.” And I believed in that moment I truly knew that she loves and cares for me deep inside – no matter what may happen on a daily basis, such as our petty sibling disagreements.

I hate writing these things down, I think I am better at impromptu ad-libbing and talking from my heart rather than jotting down a speech. So I rehearsed something like this, definitely not verbatim:

“You know, I believe life is a journey, where you should constantly challenge yourself and grow from experiences. Because when you get challenged and put through trying experiences, you give the best out of yourself. In the past several months, I realized that I hit a plateau. I needed something new or challenging in my life. So when I planned for New York City, I knew I needed a change in my life. And I thought that change was moving to a new city to be on my own and to start a new career. Because when you’re in a city all by yourself, you have to bring the best out of yourself to make it on your own. It's like survival of the fittest. When I returned from New York, I didn’t feel satisfied. I felt empty. When I got back to L.A., through a time of tough self-discovery and hard thinking, I realized that it wasn’t a move or a career change that I needed to address. I had to address my sexual identity and realized that I am gay.

Now I know you may need time to absorb this information, time to respond, and that you may have some questions. I am in the same boat – I also am in the process of getting answers myself and discovering what this means. I want to keep our line of communications 100% open and be completely honest with you. I decided to tell you this because I care about you and love you; I do not want to disappoint or hurt you.”

I am reminded of "Because" by the Beatles.