I came out

I came out to my sister Friday night.

When I returned home from the gym, I changed and planned to have a bite before going out with my sister. But I had no appetite. I changed and got ready to leave. But my mom came home and blocked the entire driveway so we had to wait until she and my dad finished some things before they left for dinner. After they left, I thought it was a good opportunity to sit my sister down in the family room and tell her. But as I toyed with the idea in my head, I was getting too emotional and chickening out. So I stalled for some time in the house, still debating, and finally I asked if she was ready to go and we left.

Before we left, I had typed out and printed bullet points of what I had planned to say to her.

On the drive out, I did not turn on the radio. I thought maybe I could tell her in the car while I was driving. She would speak up at times and tell me about happenings at work and about her coworkers. I didn’t muster the courage to do it right then and there so I just turned the radio on right before we entered the highway.

We went to several stores she wanted to check out and the whole time I was just thinking. I don’t remember what exactly, but I think I came to the conclusion that I would tell her at dinner, which was my original plan earlier in the week.

Dinner came around and we were seated outside under a large covered patio (between two buildings) and it was relatively busy. We were sat in a table for two next to two older guys who were speaking a foreign language. Maybe Armenian.

So after ordering, I asked my sister if she had remembered why I went to New York and then started my speech.

In the first paragraph, the only thing I added was asking her if she knew where I am going with this. I told her she had asked me about it before in the past, and she said, “I think so”. While I was saying “I realized that I am gay”, she was simultaneously mouthing the question “… that you are gay?”

After getting through the first paragraph, I began to get emotional and the water works turned on while I tripped over the second paragraph. At the end, my sister said that she still loves me, accepts me for who I am, and realizes that I am the same person except for the fact that she has confirmation that I am gay.

Her acceptance relieved me and I feel great. But now I’m thinking about other things – more later.

Dinner had an open conversation and asking each other questions. She told me that I am her best friend because she realizes family is most important, but that there was a wall and we did not connect deeply. And we believe it’s because of me hiding and putting up a wall to shield my family from the truth. We also discussed how to tell my mom and dad.

On the way back home, we stopped at a shopping complex and planned to have a drink and conversation at the wine bar. When we got there, it was too loud and crowded, so she decided to get tea and we sat in an outdoor atrium to chat. I explained to her and educated her on some of the things I learned about homosexuality, such as it is not a choice, it’s like being left-handed, gays come in all shapes sizes colors backgrounds and are just as diverse as straight people, gays want to show PDA just like straight folk and it’s not flaunting.

On Saturday, we went down to Orange County’s South Coast Plaza. There was a Join the Impact rally at an intersection and I honked driving through it to show my support for equal rights and to protest Prop 8. It felt good, knowing my sister supported the honking too! There were a lot of hot white guys that day; it was a day-long eye candy treat!

For the last few nights, I’ve had a hard time sleeping well through the night. I am just thinking about a million things that relate to being gay and the lifestyle that follows. I need a good night of deep, satisfying sleep!