A milestone in my coming out process

Great news! Last night was a milestone in my coming out process. I am so proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone. This is a big change from just two months ago and beyond when I was still in the closet and so afraid to go and be seen by anyone, including strangers, at a gay event or gay bar. I felt comfortable and at ease being myself without second thoughts. I was just enjoying the moments and did not give a care to what others thought of me. After all, those around me were my brothers and sisters and their allies.

I attended my first public gay event and gay bar as a gay man without feeling ashamed or embarrassed by being at either venues. I went to the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles' presentation of "It's a Fabulous Life" at the Alex Theatre in Glendale. And, boy, was it fabulous. Not expecting too much from a chorus (come on, we all know how boring they can be), the chorus put on a great show complete with dancing, stories, and music, and I had a gay ol' time lip synching along. I am SO glad I decided to go.

One of the things I am seeking an answer to in embarking on this coming out process was partially answered in my attendance mostly at the show. I know, I know. In my pre-coming out research, I read in many publications that my LGBT brothers and sisters come in all shapes and sizes from diverse backgrounds and cannot be identified by looking at people. Well, I think the media, such as television and print, had greatly impacted my initial impression of gay men who had bubbly personalities, youthful and fashion forward appearances, and a glow to them. The crowd at the show was so diverse, and I loved that. I saw and realized gay men transcend age, race, religion, (dis)abilities, etc. I realized that gay stereotypes can be broken and disproved. But I did notice a large population of Jewish gays! We are beautiful human beings who are bonded by love and the desire to pursue our deserving happiness.

My initial impression of gay men was shattered in a very good way. It broke down the barriers and generalizations I, and many others, have molded in our minds by way of media. Now, I am not blaming media here, because they do their jobs and shape many other issues and groups in both positive and negative ways. But what I am saying is that I am glad to know that most gay men do not conform to the stereotypes seen in media and are real human beings with real, normal lives. As real and normal as straight folk.

As for the gay bar after the show, this is what I took and continue to take away. My main question is: what do I do in a gay bar? I asked my sister who responded with:just chill and have a good time. At this point, I am not ready to approach or hit on a guy, but am comfortable to go with friends to people watch, drink and dance. I realized I don't need to drink to have a good time; simply good company is enough - not that I am or ever was a big or crazy drinker.

I need to constantly remind myself that growth comes over time and not overnight. I have a huge desire to achieve my goals and change for the better immediately, but my rational side tells me to calm me down and that time is on my side even when I believe it goes by so slowly. I need to exercise patience and enjoy the moment. Seize the moment. And that I will do in the next few days when close friend #2 returns! I look forward to this coming out experience. However, close friend #1 and I may not see each other this holiday season, and I do not want to come out over the phone. I need the full experience of doing it in person. A wrench in the plan!

A heartwarming article to keep the spirit, hope and fight alive for equal rights and to remind myself that American society still has a ways to go even with all the progress in the last thirty years of the gay movement.

Gay couple won't let Proposition 8 steal their dream
By Alexandra Zavis
December 21, 2008

Two men who moved from Ohio to California to marry continue to protest the measure's passage.

Fearing taunts and disapproval, they kept their love hidden for nearly two years. But with the Nov. 4 election looming, Christopher Lewis and Cody Horton resolved to take a leap of faith.

Following in the footsteps of generations of adventurers and romantics, the shy young couple from Ohio announced they were heading west to marry and begin a new life in California. They put on dark suits and exchanged vows on an unseasonably balmy afternoon in late October, before family, friends and the wide Pacific Ocean.

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Kudos to Southwest Airlines and AT&T for participating as "It's a Fabulous Life" sponsors!