Like-minded peers

At this point in my coming out process, I am somewhat lost. I've realized I want to develop some close, meaningful friendships with like-minded gay men and women. Friendships like the ones that I have developed and maintained through undergrad. The things is, I don't know where to start building fresh, new relationships outside of my inner circle and outside of the academic-social setting. In general, meeting people seems to be a challenge, especially after college.

In college, there are somewhat structured yet informal ways of meeting like-minded peers through classes and team projects, organizations and clubs, internships, casual social networks, and neighbors. If I had come out in college, I am sure that this whole coming out process and meeting peers would have turned out differently. But there really isn't a point in dwelling on what could have been.

Now - post-undergrad - that friends and acquaintences have moved away and moved on to grad school and new careers, we have slowly - but unintentionally - distanced ourselves from each other, lost touch, and forgone the intimacy of our friendships that were slowly built up and then maintained during undergrad.

In thinking about how to initiate and build fresh relationships with like-minded gay men and women in my life, I am at a loss of how and where to start.

With several trips to WeHo under my belt, I have determined that the bar scene itself does not appear to facilitate meaningful friendship-building unless it is taken out of the scene. Maybe it's my luck or lack thereof, but I have had a challenging time meeting like-minded peers who are educated, intelligent, sociable, open-minded and have similar interests. Don't get me wrong. People are diverse, friendly, intelligent and sociable, but no social interaction happens beyond the night scene.

When time comes to initiate these relationships and meet like-minded peers, I acknowledge that they require effort from both parties. Any friendship or relationship must come naturally and cannot be forced, requires time and energy investments, is a two-way street, and must contain mutual interest. And I am ready to make that investment.

To give myself some direction and to faciliate meeting like-minded gay men and women, I might need to get involved with the LGBT community. It could be a great way to meet other people, a good opportunity to develop meaningful friendships, and a commitment to impact and do good.

A next step is to research local LGBT-oriented organizations and try to find what sparks my interest. I'll have to field at least several organizations and determine my levels of interest and which cause(s) I can commit myself to in terms of time and energy. Most of all, I hope to meet others and begin to expand my social network.

I've done this before - albiet in a more structured setting - and met some great people who are still a part of my life. There is no reason that I cannot do it successfully again. I have a better sense of self and need to put myself out there. After all, they aren't going to come looking for me if they don't know that I am seeking.